In the supermarket, as I pass a tasting booth with a woman giving out chicken samples, I say with an insincere smile, "No thanks, I don't eat slaughterhouse products." Or, at least, that's what my evil twin says. 

It's a dilemma. When I see those bits of chicken, I also see the de-beaking process. I recall the worker grabbing the legs of three struggling chickens with each of his hands. I hear fragile chicken leg bones breaking as a result of their forced and speedy growth to a "marketable" size. I recall the endless conveyer belt at the chicken slaughterhouse, that takes both "free range" and the chickens who were even even less free to their painful end. 

Yet I suspect that my "shock value" response to the woman at the supermarket does little good for her, for me, or for the unfortunate beings that we classify as "food animals." My response is ineffective because its root is righteousness. I fling my righteousness across the supermarket aisle. It's not unusual for me to later discover that the person I scorned as "less vegan than me" is extremely compassionate and that she gives to children in ways that would never have occurred to me. Or that her environmental awareness and activism are exceptional. Or that her kindness extends to a large family, and beyond. 

Thus, my less evil twin remembers the Dalai Lama and simply says a truly warm and friendly, "No thanks, I'm vegetarian," as I pass the sampling booth.

Fortunately, my family and friends, helps me keep my righteousness in line. Like many families, mine has mixed dietary preferences. My daughter was vegetarian before I was. Chris, while sympathetic, has never become vegetarian but is, in many ways, one of the most ethical people I know. I recall family dinners at which several would dine at the vegetarian restaurant at Broadway and Trafalgar and one of us would get a burger nearby and join us later for dessert. Over the years, my family members watched each other's choices, took note, allowed for differences and gradually learned from each other.
The combination of respect for my own values and for the people around me offers the most promise for maintaining outward and inner peace. It is the diplomatic solution that is likely to maintain bridges, rather than creating barriers with those I love. 

While my family grew, with each member evolving in his or her own way, my dietary preferences gradually shifted from meat-eater, to lacto-ovo-vegetarian, to vegan. If I am to respect others, as well as myself 30-years-ago, I must come to terms with all these choices. 
In practical terms, how was this expressed at the dinner table? For years, the following four standbys provided us with teen-friendly food on a regular basis: 

Tacos - The basics are acceptable to everyone and happen to be vegan: tortillas, mashed avocado, lettuce, chopped tomato, taco sauce and seasoned pinto beans. Corn tortillas are welcome for those with wheat allergies. Grated cheese and seasoned meat are optional. Tacos allow people to create their own combination.

Pizza - Our childhood birthday celebrations have often been "create-your-own pizza" parties. Pizza dough, tomato sauce, sliced mushrooms, tomatoes, green and red pepper, olives, veggie pepperoni and pineapple are vegan basics. Some partygoers have elected cheese or salami as toppings. 

Spaghetti - Spaghetti can be served with optional tomato or meat sauce and parmesan on the side.

Burgers and Hot Dogs - The combination of a veggie burger or dog in a whole grain bun is a surprisingly healthful choice, offered with a selection of toppings such as mustard, ketchup, barbecue sauce, relish, chili sauce, tomato slices, dill pickles, onion, avocado slices, lettuce, sprouts and a tasty mayo such as Nayonnaise. Meat eaters can have their patty along with the full spectrum of vegetarian fixin's. 

Raw vegan pizza (above), and Zoom Burger with fixin's (left) from the Raw Food Revolution Diet by Cherie Soria, Brenda Davis and Vesanto Melina, 2008

Now that my diet has shifted towards a higher proportion of raw produce and I had the opportunity to learn from culinary master and artist Cherie Soria, during the creation of our Raw Food Revolution Diet, I can create delectable raw versions of each of the above items, that people of any dietary persuasion absolutely love.

Over time, both my recipe collection and cooking skills improved. My family and friends, including those who are not vegetarian, have come to trust that my plant-based offerings will taste good. The marketplace increasingly supports vegetarian choices. And I'm gradually learning to let go of righteousness. 

Vesanto Melina, registered dietitian, has authored a number of food and nutrition classics (Becoming Vegetarian, The New Becoming Vegetarian, Becoming Vegan and Raising Vegetarian Children), which feature powerful sections on dealing with our dietary differences. To learn about or book a personal nutritional consultation, click here.